90 Letterkenny Quotes | Best Sayings & Funny Phrases

Check out these funny Letterkenny quotes, learn some everyday slang, and have a good laugh!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to live in a rural Canadian community?

I’m not sure how accurate Letterkenny is, but it paints a hilarious picture of life in the small town.

You might have to learn some new phrases, but don’t worry we have you covered with these hilarious Letterkenny quotes.

Are you wondering what “Chel” or “Rips” mean? Chel is the hockey league and rips is a term for weed.

Wayne and his friends seem to have a blast, and if you are a fan of the show, you have undoubtedly been left in stitches thanks to their inappropriate sense of humor.

Funny Letterkenny quotes

1. “Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.” — Wayne

2. “Yeah. Oh, hey, look at you, ground.” — Squirrelly Dan

3. “Oh, get off the cross, we need the wood.” — Wayne

4. “Nice onesie. Does it come in men’s? — Jonesy

5. “If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me.” — Wayne

6. “Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.” — Wayne

7. “You wish there was a pied piper for possums. But there isn’t, so you’re just gonna have to keep picking ‘em off with a .22.” — Wayne

8. “You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”  — Daryl

9. “…I’m too fat to run.” — Squirrelly Dan

10. “You’d best be preparin’ for a Donny Brook if you think I’m going to that super soft birthday party of yours.” — Wayne

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Letterkenny quotes for everyday use

11. “We need backup, boys.” — Jonesy

12. “Hard no.” — Wayne

13. “Oh, c’mon, where’s your jam, bud?” —Reilly

14. “Pitter-patter, let’s get at ‘er.” — Everyone

15. “Not my pig, not my farm.” — Wayne

16. “Seeing as this is most certainly a one-off event and not a tradition that also falls on some made-up holiday that I couldn’t give a cats queef about, I’m out. There’s happiness calling my name from the bottom of a bottle of Puppers.” — Wayne

17. “Where’s the sacrifice?” — Jonesy

18. “Let’s go easy over there, Squirrelly Dan.” — Wayne

19. “And I suggest you let that one marinate.” — Wayne

20. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” — Wayne

21. “That was well brought up. Too bad you weren’t.” — Katy

22. “Figure it out!” — Everyone

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Slightly inappropriate Letterkenny quotes

23. “Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.” — Wayne

24. “We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.” — Coach

25. “If I was a Dr. Seuss book, I’d be The Fat in the Hat.” — Katy

26. “Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.” — Wayne

27. “It’s a hard life picking stones and pulin’ teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fightin’ dudes with treasure trails.” — Wayne

28. “I wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.” — Wayne

29. “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.” — Katy

30. “You’re pretty good at wrestlin’ there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciates about you.” — Squirrelly Dan

31. “Buddy you couldn’t wheel a fuckin’ tire down a hill.” — Wayne

32. “Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!” — Gail

33. “What’s up with your body hair, you big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” — Wayne

34. “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sportin’ now.” — Daryl

35. “What’s up with your body hair big shoots, you look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.” – Shoresy

36. “You can cross fuck off.” — Wayne

 37. “Fuck you, Shoresy, you’re a terrible fuckin ref!” — Jonesy

38. “Fuck you Shoresy! Put a shirt on.” — Reilly

39. “Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!”  — Squirrelly Dan

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Highly inappropriate Letterkenny quotes

40. “Does a duck with a boner drag weeds?” — Wayne

41. “You seen a ‘coon havin’ sex with a barn cat on top of your truck? Fuck what’s the nature of that David Suzuki.” — Wayne

42. “You stopped toe curlin’ in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”  — Wayne

43. “Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerta Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.” — Reilly

44. “Fuck, Lemony Snicket, what A Series of Unfortunate Events you been through, you ugly fuck.” — Jonesy

45. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like yer pants are doin’ it for ya.” — Wayne

46. “Fuck you, Reilly, go scoop it off your mom’s floor! She gives my nipples butterfly kisses.” — Jonesy

47. “Ariana Grande looks like she’s eight. I’m giving the preschool your plate number.” — Shoresy

48. “You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.” — Daryl

49. “It’s like algebra…why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?”  — Wayne

50. “You naturally care for a companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.” — Wayne

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Awkward Letterkenny quotes

51. “You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?” – Shoresy

52. “It’s Pertnear Time To Tune Into Letterkenny, So Be Sure To Set Yer Dials.” – Letterkenny

53. “Well there is nothing better than a good fart.” – Letterkenny

54. “You’re pretty good at wrestling there, Katy, and that’s what I appreciate about you.” – Squirrelly Dan

55. “I want to give back to the community by helping people find love.” – Wayne

56. “You stopped toe curling in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.” – Wayne

57. “I am willing to give 69% of my company to a partner, why 69%? Both sides benefit!. Good Enough!” – Gail

58. “Then I’d have to put my wine down.” – Marie-Fred

59. “You Were A Sniper In That Game Today And… Do You See That Sniper At 3 O’clock?” – Letterkenny

60. “Your sister’s lasagna gave everyone the scoots for weeks up in here.” – Gail

Surreal Letterkenny quotes

61. “Do you know what, I don’t want you to kiss and tell, that’s impolite…. but I am kind of curious.” – Shoresy

62. “His Girlfriend Was Going Out Of Town So She Tooted The Horn One More Time Before She Left.” – Letterkenny

63. “The world needs less Facebook and more Face-to-Face!” – Wayne

64. “Every woman knows that the way to a man’s heart is not through his zipper, it’s through his stomach.” – Wayne

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65. “Look if you are coming, you better come correct.” – Gail

66. “Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you.” – Wayne

67. “Fuck Lemony Snicket, What A Serious Of Unfortunate Events You Fuckin Been Through You Ugly Fuck. Boulevard Of Broken Dreams!” – Letterkenny

68. “Got any more of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.” – Shoresy

69. “The New Season Of Letterkenny Is Coming To Cravetv. So Pitter Patter, Lets Get At’er And Watch It Already.” – Letterkenny

70. “You’re made of spare parts, aren’t you, bud?” – Wayne

More Letterkenny quotes

71. “If I’m an ant I’m operating the seadoo with my antennae.” — Wayne

72. Yes Dear, Pick Up Milk On The Way Home. That’s A Texas Sized 10-4.

73. “Daryl: You guys do CrossFit? Wayne: You can cross fuck off.”

74. I need to give you one more chance to retract, no questions asked. Before this conversation becomes a confrontation.

75. Make Sure You Use That There Sunscreen ‘Cause It’s A Great Day For Hay.

76. “Your friend’s barn cat had kittens so you took one but fuck is it stunned.” – Wayne

77. “Not my forte.” – Katy

78. “Oh, I got so much time for sushi.” – Wayne

79. “This eau de toilette is enchantingly refreshing on summer days like this.” – Daryl

80. “I’m so upset about my perennials.” – Squirrely Dan

Memorable Letterkenny quotes

81. “You know not to be impolite but sometimes a gal will do some kissing on the ears. Which makes me uncomfortable because even though I clean my ears, sometimes a tater will just roll out of there unexpected.” – Wayne

82. “In the words of the genre-bending Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire, ‘wake up.’ – Wayne

83. “There’s something really pervy about that word ‘taste.’” – Wayne

84. “The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit.” – Wayne

85.  “A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart.” – Wayne

86. “If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks.” – Wayne

87. “You’re softer than a Cinnabon sampler.” – Wayne

88. “He is otherworldly! He’s got a dome like an Easter Island statue.” – Squirrely Dan

89. “On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?” – Katy

90. “Tell your mom to top off the cell phone she bought me so I can FaceTime her late night!” –Shoresy

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Did you enjoy these Letterkenny quotes?

My husband went on a trip to visit his friends and came back saying things like “figure it out” and “pitter-patter.”

I thought he had lost his mind, but he assured me it was only a symptom of binge-watching this ridiculously funny Canadian show.

It has been months and he still uses these phrases. I am going to have to watch the episodes on Hulu and catch up!

I wouldn’t have guessed that a pair of Canadian siblings running a fruit stand and farm would be so comical!

Are you a Letterkenny fan? Did you enjoy these Letterkenny quotes and lines? Share your favorite episode or quotes with us in the comment section below!